OD

31 01 2007

Together waiting but no connection

So, overdose on twenty-eight amitriptyline had rewarded me seven days of outpatient hospitalisation leave.

Yahoo u yay-ed? Not for me, yo!

For me it would be a week of fuck-job with refrigerator-junkies, dvds, games and tablets.

I know, I have plenty of choices and I am still capable of leaving my room to run along the corridor in super-pink-panty-and-bra, shouting hello out loud to the hot sun. But due to being so weak, I chose to stay indoors than outdoors for the next seventy-two hours.

Yes my love, breathing in and out slowly of OD is a very stupid thing to do. 

If I have a shotgun in hand right now, someone would have snatch it away from me and shoot my lungs till it scatters into many pieces and turned my white shirt into red.

Whatever the fuck is, I am half-alright now. 

Despite being possessed by Amitriptyline, I am feeling so thankful to everything and everyone that successfully made my heart move.

Though I would be so much happier if amitriptyline kills me, I do feel slight-happy and thankful to HIM that my beautiful brain is intact and still have the capabilities to fold paper-boats and paper-planes, play Age of Empire like a pro, giving me the extra time to find a good-man and drink more water on so-much-water-earth. Yah, YaY!

I also would like to say many thanks to my sister Fzh, Smt, Dr Marcus Tan, John, Steven and the rest who were there in N.U.H for me. Your presence made me forget my plans to torture myself.

With the presence of such passionate people on treating sick-whores with their unlimited kindness, patience and understanding their needs, I bet it would be able to bring back many joy to all the sick-nations on the entire globe.

Here’s a song by Katie Melua to all of u,

I won’t hurt you
I’ll protect you
I won’t let the rain fall down
I’ll always be around

And baby I will understand
If sometimes You just want
To spread your wings and fly
And let your colours shine

And everyday
I wanna be a risk you take
Make a promise that
Will never break for life

You’re my butterfly
And Don’t fly away
Open my hands you read
Praying you’ll come back to me
You’re my butterfly
And don’t fly away
You’re my reality
Always be my gravity
You’re my butterfly
Ooo Yeah
Come on and touch the sky
You’re my butterfly

I won’t forget you
Or neglect you
Won’t let no one take your place
In your eyes I see my face

And baby do you know
That everybody watches
Every time that you take flight
They’re blinded by your light

Every day the feelings
Gonna be the same
I can promise that
will never change for life

You’re my butterfly
And Don’t fly away
Open my hands your free
Crying you’ll come back to me
You’re my butterfly
And don’t fly away
You’re my reality
Always be my gravity
You’re my butterfly

I won’t hurt you
I’ll protect you
Always be around
And everyday
I wanna be a risk you take
Make a promise
I will never break for life

Oh Hold on
Hold on
I’ll be here
OoOoo OoOo ahh hey
Cuz Your my butterfly
Whenever you need me here
Whenever you need me
I’ll be there
I’ll be there

Whenever you need me here
Whenever you need me
I’ll be there
I’ll be there
Don’t fly away
Open my hand you read
Crying you’ll be back to me
Your my butterfly

Don’t fly away
Your my reality

Always be my gravity.





LIVE & LEAVE

13 01 2007

At around two in the cold noon, I received an sms from Abah, saying that, “Mak abang adi, baru meninggal.”

Condolences.

After phoning Abah and Abang Adi, instantly I felt an extra pang at heart.

Deaths reminds me of my past journeys. Journeys that made me wanted to live life halfway. Journeys that made me point my middle finger high up at the plumpy-clouds sky for years and made me sit under a tree with a tree named Deraman instead of playing with kids that wore same size shoes as me.

Ok I am getting way too emotional again. Let’s talk about tomatoes and cheese.





GULE GULE

1 01 2007

New servings for good year please

What : Heartburn
When : Happy New Year
Why : Hell I don’t know
Time : 5.24 am

Finally I’ve thrown all my 2006’s calendars, love notes, love letters and all the junks I stuffed in my safe chest. 

Yes, I used to have a habit of keeping anything that a guy contributed to me, during my every first dates. And this includes mrt cards, restaurant receipts, soft drink bottles and also packets of already-used tissue papers too. Haha.

Though cleaning can be encouraging tiresome to many muscles and a tad depressive for the head, but hey I had fun.

I even smiled at the rubbish, one by one, while throwing them down the chute. I felt as though these rubbish are not just rubbish, but human.

Humans who were never good for my heart and lifeline. Haha.

After my drinking-in-front-of-the-monitor session is over, I would like to sit by my window with my zombified head, smoking sexily and wait for the sun to stare and stalk my super-shy shadow as long as it wishes and leave whenever it pleases.

Oklah people, it is time for me to flirt with the bottles and let the music in my head turn my world around. 

May all of u fucking stop the war and have a fucking good year!

Bye 2006!

Ps : Jens Lekman is coming to Singapore. I can’t wait. I hate to wait.