OKAY SUNDAY

25 12 2006

Find me among the many

So today, I shut my brain, forget all the wicked scenes and brilliantly dragged my sister down to Vivo, to catch Charlotte’s Web.

After the movie ended, I smiled, she smiled. And yes. I am still smiling now. Why? The show reminds me of many people I meet, I greet and people who I see daily. The people who I would never forget and would welcome them always.

I even recommended it to two taxi-drivers! I know, like WTF. Haha.

Comrade Faizal just called. He wants me to join him for supper and drinking green-tea session.

Merry X’mas all

Ps : My cats are missing still. Can Santa tucked them into some-socks and bring them back to me, to me?





FEAR OR FAITH

23 12 2006

It’s weekends and I am under pressure. All thanks to my three days of crying. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Yeah, I cried and cried like a semi-retarded housewife who lost her permanant-basis sweetheart in a bomb blast.

Why? Oh no! I am not going to write them down. 

Even if I jotted them down, one by one, phrase by phrase, I am sure to end up feeling so helpless for unable to squeeze out any potential juice to solve it. 

Anyway nobody gives a flying fuck about it. Haha!

Rather than getting overly sad over problems that is driving me to the death-bed on weekend, guess it is better for me to suck some cancer-sticks and smoke these problem away.

Yeah I know. Smoking won’t help.

Perhaps I should just find something less comfortable to wear, go somewhere familiar, be bizarre, pop some pills, get more guts, fucking get a man, pretend to be happy, few rounds of heavy patting, sex sex sex, sway my arms up the ceiling, relax and happily write them down publicly on the day after, for people who hangs my picture secretly in their heart 🙂

Ok I know, I don’t have much qualities to be a [insert any fucking profession u can think of yourself]

I should just do it in my dream. Ok dream away.

Bye.





IMBAS KEMBALI, MARi

21 12 2006

Bila : 5TH MAY 2006

Wawa kucingku baharu ku hantarnya ke Mount Pleasant Hospital.

Disebabkan cecair yang berhubung dekat dengan parunya, kini hampir keseluruhan organ-organ yang dahulunya kawan kepadanya, dalam diam-diam sudah bertukar menjadi pengkhianat. Sehinggakan Wawa ku terbaring di hospital berkenaan. Terbaring kaku sambil melawan kesakitan yang terasa. Sendirian.

Tak aku, tak mereka, tak siapa yang tahu akan bertapa peritnya berada di tempatnya.

Wawa sayang,
Dengar sini kata ku baik-baik.

Aku disini akan sentiasa berteriak kuat ke arah langit. Melayangkan kedua tangan ku yang sedang tadah ke arah NYA, meminta agar kau dapat bermain-main seperti sediakala.

Moga-moga segala teriakkan doa ku akan dapat didengar jelas oleh NYA.

Insya ALLAH, bila kau dah sembuh nanti, akan ku bawa kau ke Kent Ridge Park. Agar kita sama-sama dapat menghitung bintang. Sehingga langit yang gelap bertukar menjadi terang.

Sembuh please Wawa sayang 😦





6TH MAY 2006

21 12 2006

Genap pada jam 7.15 malam, di bawah langit Sabtu yang bocor. Sebelom darling sepenuh masaku Wawa diinjek dengan cecair Euthanasia, Wawa telah memberiku satu teriakkan yang sukar untuk aku lupakan.

Teriakkan dimana pernah aku dengar dahulu. Dimana ibuku memekik ke arah aku dan dia.

“Lepas Wawa dah bukak mata…”
“Aku nak kau buang dia…”
“Dekat kedaikopi bawah blok 603 tuh…”

Walau dibuangnya sebanyak dua kali, aku tetap mencarinya dan bawa Wawa pulang ke rumah.

Ke rumah yang tidak punya kebahagian mahupon ketenteraman.

Meskipon aku tahu rumah ku sering didatangi sederet masalah, aku tetap mahu Wawa…
tinggal dekat dengan ku. Dekat selalu pada ku.

Mungkin disebabkan rumah yang selalu membuat ku terkucil ini, tembok paru emponya Wawa jadi lemah, lalu mati semua darah pertahanannya. Seperti matinya seorang askar yang mati di tangan si pembunuh. Pembunuh yang bernombor satu iaitu Kanser.

Iya, pembunuh yang telah membunuh Rubiah Suratman ku suatu masa dahulu.

Benar. KANSER pembunuh yang paling cilaka.

Sehingga organ-organnya ikut runtuh sekali. Lalu titis demi titis airmata ku dengan cepat terbahak keluar.

Oh Wawa sayang ku, maafkan aku jikalau selama in aku jarang memberi mu perhatian dan kasih sayang yang penuh, yang sempurna.

Aku terpaksa menutup segala layarmu, mengakhiri dan menghanyutkan segala jalan cerita mu yang kini penuh dengan keperitan dan penderitaan yang tak terperi.

Aku berharap tinggi kau akan sentiasa berasa aman. Dan mengenal akan sebuah kebahagian yang kekal di Kent Ridge Hill.

Tempat dimana aku sentiasa menghabiskan masa, bermain dan berbicara sendirian, semenjak aku kecil sehinggalah dewasa. Dan mungkin sehingga aku tua bangka kelak.

Moga-moga dengan keputusan yang telah mencuri nafasmu ini, engkau sudah tidak lagi bertanya kenapa dan mengapa kau dilukai.

Rehat elok-elok Wawa ku. Engkau sentiasa di pertengahan minda ku.

Ps : Boone-boone and Kiki are still missing 😦





WEREWORLDHOWL

20 12 2006

I’ve talked, I’ve whined and I’ve slapped my own mirror. And now it’s time for me to rest my arms, on my lap and silently watch how the world trying their best to manipulate me.

Here’s my favourite song to all the oh-so-cruel ones…

Screams break the silence
Waking from the dead of night
Vengence is boiling
Hes returned to kill the light
Then when hes found who he’s looking for
Listen in awe and you’ll hear him

Bark at the moon

Years spent in torment
Buried in a nameless grave
Now he has risen
Miracles would have to save
Those that this beast is looking for
Listen in awe and you’ll hear him

Bark at the moon

They cursed and buried him
Along with shame
And thought his timeless soul had gone
In empty burning hell–unholy one
But now he’s returned to prove them wrong (oh no)

Howling in shadows
Living in a lunar spell
He finds his heaven
Spewing from the mouth of hell

And when he finds who he’s looking for
Listen in awe and you’ll hear him
Bark at the moon.





TODAY I SPENT…

18 12 2006

twenty-two bucks on ciggies. Dumb.
two bucks on food. =(
six bucks on magicbullets. Yay!
two hours on Mellowdrone and Billy Joel. Yo!
two minutes on milkandonion. Whee!

Ok finished.

So now let me predict Wednesday’s lucky number : 4622

Oh wait! Don’t move. Not even a muscle.

If my predictions doesn’t work wonders, don’t blame me. I hate people who heart to blame me for every single stupid thing I say. Stupids!

Ok bye.

ps: my cats are still missing 😦





ROTTEN DAY

15 12 2006

I had a bad day today and it ended pretty badly. It all started when a question was not given an answer but a lame reason. Till it made me cried and cried of so unhappy tears.

And that is not the only thing.

I even cried over some fish in a tiffin, people’s weird behaviour and also some matters at work that fucked my heart and brain.

I am that vulnerable.

Nope, not promoting any pain here. It happened just like that. That Sudden. I suppose it’s due to ze bad start this morn. Explains why everything happened that. way. Oh well, temporary phase. That will pass.

Ps : My darling cats are missing still 😦