28 10 2006

When : Saturday, Octoberust 28th 2006
Where : In the seed
Time : Troubled me

Today I spent the whole day in my room, with Smt, watching the tube and practising to calm myself down. Yes, I felt agitated. Mega agitated. And my neighbours who are few doors away from me felt it too.

This is what happens when anger strikes back. I would end up screaming at the walls till it cracked and glasses shattered. While Smt, patiently watched me till his skin got real tight till it ripped him piece by piece.

What can I say? It’s painful to have me as a friend.

One minute I plant flowers in a heart-shaped-pot, next minute I would plant bombs in the heart. 

I really hate myself. I really really hate myself more than I hate my flesh and blood who left me since I was born.

I feel so sorry for Smt.

I know I am not someone useful anymore. And having me around, there’s nothing I could give or provide with except waiting for something bad to happen…

Except waiting for something bad to happen.




2 responses

30 10 2006

I think it is wrong to think that we feel painful to have a particular friend. No friend wants their friends to feel such pain. If your friend knows that anger can turn even the most marvelous gem into the deadliest of weapons.
And I do believe that works both ways, that even the deadliest of weapons can be ‘recycled’ into something useful with love seeing it as the direct opposite of anger.
It may seem a fantasy to some but even those bombs could be seeds that grow into a marvelous new species of flower.

Maybe some people think i should watch less cartoons?
When you are tired of the brutal movie scenes, we have the jetsons right? Prrrrrreeeeeeeeeee

31 10 2006

Smt : I know my mind often filled with negs, very few of positivities and its corrupting our friendship. I hope u would be able to sabar with me. As long as I live, I will try my very best to give and give (hopefully something good larh) even when I have nothing.

see u at the interchange tomorrow. be well!

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