MY BANBUBBLEGUM CITY

30 09 2006

So today and yesterday I ponteng puasa. Yes, semua nih in the name of hoorey-hoorey ketika marah. Why? Seperti biasa, I hisap rokok macam queen baru kehilangan laki. Hehe.

Hey I’m not joking. I’m serious about what is written here.

I know. No joke no fun. No fish fillet, no horfun.

Semakin I tua, semakin I rasa bahang kehidupan.

Eh bukan sebab duit collection yang kian merosot, bahang dari bara rokok, mahupon bahang dari Pahang. Tapi bahang dari apa-apa yang sudah I lakukan secara sembarang.

Ya betul. I memang sembarang punya perempuan. I  tak kisah sama ada lelaki tuh gemok ker, perempuan tuh hilang tetek sebelah ker, makcik campak telor ke luar tingkap ker, semua orang I berkawan.

Jikalau diberikan peluang, dengan presiden dari United State pon I nak jadikan kawan pergi pancing. Susilo Banmbang Yudhoyono juga boleh ikut sama.

Tapi apakan daya, I duduk Singapura.

Sebuah pulau yang tidak boleh terima apa-apa kebenaran. Ya, tidak seperti di negara Amerika Syarikat. Kebebasan memilih is a complete no no here.

Satu dari contoh adalah, merokok.

Seperti mana yang sudah tertulis di akhbar-akhbar tempatan dan sempadan, kami disini tidak dibenarkan menghisap rokok di tempat-tempat awam seperti; kedai kopi, perhentian bas, luar sekolah dan, dan, dan, dan.

Ya, semakin hari, semakin banyak pula rules dan peraturannya. Mengalahkan the maker nampak gaya.

Katanya di satu sidang akhbar, 

“Kami mahukan perokok-perokok sepulau akan dapat berhenti merokok demi untuk kepentingan keluarga dan kesihatan.”

Rakyat mula berbisik.

Ya saya setuju. Setuju! Mereka really bijak sekali string-up their kind words into poetry. Sehinggakan hampir kesemua hati empunya kami si orang pulau, cair.

Sesudah tamat sidang tekateki mereka, apa yang sebenarnya berlaku hanyalah in the name of business. 

Niat disudut hati dan saku atas tindakan tersebut hanyalah mahukan kita semua to be on the right track agar segala duit titisan peluh kita jatuh di “track” mereka. Ada betul? Jangan nak bedek. Queen marah ok? Haha!

Tapi wahai para cute-mangkuks sedunia, jikalau diselidiknya dalam-dalam, kandungan bahaya sebatang rokok sama aja jumlahnya. Contoh  yang tersenang dan terhebat adalah, semangkuk lontong, babirebus, babigantung, pastamaniac, kek keju, kekpenuhlard, sopbrader, kuihbadakberendam dan bla bla bla.

Jikalau mereka bersungguh-sungguh mementingkan akan kesihatan rakyat Singapura, why mereka tidak naikkan harga-harga yang sudah disebut di atas? Ataupon, hentikan sahaja penjualan tersebut seperti mana mereka melarang rakyatnya membeli chewing-gum. 

Boohoooo! Boooohooo!

Shit! Shit! Shit! Jauh sungguh cerita ku malam ini, yer?

Niatku hanya nak membuang masa dengan berconteng. Disebabkan aku half-depressed, Voila! Cerita malam ini sudah lari ke pemerintahan bloody-yuppie pulak. 

Mungkin sebab itulah aku masih single. Lihat sahaja cerita ku. Ke laut. 

Yes. Nobody wants to date a crazy-so-unposh-spice-look-superwoman like me.  😦

And they say, “Jangan kata date, nak temankan layan VCD pon kami tak mau!”

Selamatul Malamo!

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SOMEWHERE BETWEEN, I AM CLEAN.

28 09 2006

I’m home!

Yes my sire,  at 1.10 am.

Was at work, knitting solutions and tracing wires.

Having a job makes me feel happy. Sometimes pretty. Yucks, I know.

— — —

I’ve shared and bleed too much.

Oh wtf!

I’ve shared and it’s largely my fault.

I don’t have time to dwell. I need to change my pad.

— — —

Please be gone, u acting-fairy boy. Be gone fast. Your presence move me no more. I need real fairy and not “some-beast-fairy” like u. Thank u.

— — —

Nobody believe what I see. Nobody see what I hear. Nobody hear what I feel.

I know. U’re just human. Not god.

— — —

I’m sad and I need to hide.  Get this and be well, whoever u are.

Jason Mraz – The Boy’s Gone

The boy’s gone. The boy’s gone home.
The boy’s gone. The boy’s gone home.

What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded.
And what will happen to the origins of sound after all the sounds have sounded
Well I hope I never have to see that day but by god I know it’s headed our way
So I better be happy now that the boy’s going home.
The boy’s gone home.

And what becomes of a day for those who rage against it
And who will sum up the phrase for all left standing around in it

Well I suppose we’ll all make our judgement calls
We’ll walk it alone, stand up tall, then march to the fall
So we better be happy now that we’ll all go home.
That we’ll all go home.

Be so happy with the way you are
Just be happy that you made it this far
Go on be happy now.
Please be happy now.

Because you say that this, this is something else (alright)
I say that this, this is something else (well alright)
I say that this, oh, this is something, this is something else
Oo thi-thi-thi-thi-this is all, thi-thi-thi-thi-this is yeah,
thi-thi thi-thi-thi-this is all something else

Well I tried to live my life and lived it so well
But when it’s all over is it heaven or is it hell
So I better be happy now that no one can tell, nobody knows
I’m gonna be happy with the way that I am
I’m gonna be happy with all that I stand for
I’m gonna be happy now because the boy’s going home.

The boy’s gone home.

Yeah the boy’s gone home.
Yeah the boy’s gone home.
Yeah the boy’s gone home.





SATU MEJA, EMPAT PISANG, LIMA KEPALA

27 09 2006

Di meja ku ada empat buah pisang.
Satu diantara pisang tersebut adalah milik ku.
Tapi diantara pisang yang ada,
Pisang manakah yang benar-benar milik ku?

Haruskah aku ambil pisang yang dekat dariku?
Haruskah ku ambil pisang
Yang terbaring jauh dari bucu mejaku?
Haruskah aku ambil pisang
Yang kurang tompok hitam?
Ataupon haruskah aku ambil pisang
Yang nampak sederhana sahaja?

Mungkin aku harus menutup mataku.
Serahkan segalanya kepada nasib.
Jikalau nasib ku baik,
Pisang yang terbaik jadi milikku.
Tapi apa akan jadinya jikalau takdir
Memberi ku pisang yang sudah dimiliki orang?

Mungkin aku harus pilih jalan senang?
Mengikut apa yang selalu dilakukan
Oleh kompuak-kompuak yang lain
Iaitu megambil sahaja pisang yang terdekat.

Apa? Aku merapek?

Siapa kata memilih pisang itu senang?
Walaupon ramai cuma melihat 
Perkara ini adalah saktu perkara yang remeh
Tapi dengan buah inilah
Akan ku tahu cerita hari esok ku.

Untuk pengetahuan kanak-kanak sedunia,
Keputusan yang tak seberapa ini juga
Memainkan peranan besar kerana, 
Dalam sedar tak sedar,
Keputusan berkenaan juga akan melibatkan
 Segala keputusan-keputusan yg berikutnya.

Itu lah hidupku.
Empat pisang.
Empat pintu.
Empat jalan tapi hanya satu ku tuju.

Satu kepala 
Dua kepala
Tiga kepala
Empat kepala
Lima kepala.
Lima orang disini.

Mungkin ada bahagian ku.
Mungkin tidak.

Mungkin ada bagusnya aku berikan pisang ini
Pada mereka yang memerlukan
Dan terus menendang pintu
Beredar cepat dari sini. 

Akhir kata, ada pisang mati, tiada pisang pon mati.





CRINKLING BRAIN

26 09 2006

Few moons ago, an old spineless-friend called me spastic.

Why? Coz I looked like one. Or maybe she heard some rumours about my not-properly-developed brain from my unreliable brain surgeon. Hehe.

Am I angry. Yes, before. But I think its better to look spastic than being spineless-superficial biatch. No?

Oh well. Who cares.

What’s  important most is that, I rely on fruits, vegetables and fresh fish to grow and not her spineless and so-kosong body.

— — —

So what’s new? I didn’t fast today. 😦

Why? Stress.

I need cigarettes to work. To fully reassure my brain that everything’s gonna be alright,  I need nicotine, caffein and more more more nicotine.

Yes, I am a cigarette-addict. I should die of [insert terminal illness here] someday. Hehe

— — —

Work has been overly productive lately. Yes, what a darling. Without it I would have to spend my time by idling, watching trees sway and ciggy-smoke fly. 

Anyway, to be superbly honest with u, I’m totally in love with my job.

Though the trip to work by bus sometimes makes me feel lonely slow-motionly, as if I’ve been dumped by love for several times, but when I’m few bus-stops away from the building, I feel so GREAT!

But still, the trip to work still spoils my mood in millions.

Why? I hate sitting on buses. I hate to sit for an hour plus long, growing hips and thighs.

Stand? Standing is boring. I prefer moving back and forth in buses.

Hmmm, maybe I need to learn how to swim like a pro. Who knows, if my ezylink runs dry again, I could just swim to work instead of borrowing money from Smt. Hehe.

— — —

I’m left with eight dollars. Yes, nice number. Being a single-never-rich-queen of Alexandra’s building, I should feel lucky instead of sad. Heh.

— — —

It’s 10.49pm. Time for the queen to sleep.

I hope later on, I would be dreaming of heavy-plus-so-much-violent-petting with [insert name here] more than future. I need to wake up feeling light like feather. Not heavy. Hehe. 😀

Excellent night to all!





MILK AND ONION

25 09 2006

So he bought me groceries yersternoon. Nice of him. Yes, the word ‘nice’ suits him well.

Sometimes I wonder why people are treating me extra nice, extra special.

Yes, they treat me like flowers. Better than Miss Joaquim.

Though there are some who are still treating me like Vincent Van Gogh. No, not after he died. Before he died. But still there are more Mother Theresa going around stirring my life than mushroomhead Hitler.

Yes, many many BIG thank you to God.

If not for him, I will never see any better days for the rest of my life. 😐

— — —

I’m disturbed. Many men make eye contact with my tits more than yours truly.

— — —

Someone asked me if I am single now. 

Then I replied, “There’s no use asking”

He paused.

He then asked, ” But why? U’re attached now?”

And I said, ” Yes,  I am. Attached to my die-single status”

He paused again. Long pause. Next three minutes, he logged off.

Yay! 😀

— — —

It’s 5.39 am and the streets is quiet. Sometimes how I wish my day would stay like this until the end of moon and sun. Then I won’t be struggling facing difficulities when silence is near. But again, silence kill people sometimes. 😦

— — —

It’s Monday already. Guard me close, oh guardians.

I had my sahur hours ago. I feel like a giant balloon and I love it.

I hope, the gallon of water I drank minutes ago would be able to save me from certain crimes done by the burning sun.

— — —

Alrighty now. Time for me to run on wet grass then off to the no-scenery-bus-stop. Be well people. Smile more. It decorates.

Ps: Weather look so nice. I envy them.





SELAMAT DATANG KEKASIH

23 09 2006

Oh Tuhan ku, Ya Allah,

Sesungguhnya engkau maha pemberi, berikanlah aku, umatmu kekuatan, ketabahan dan tawakal agar dapat aku beristiqamah dijalan mu. Menerima segala cobaan yang sudah engkau sediakan untuk kami membersihkan diri.

Sesungguhnya engkau maha pengampun, ampunilah segala pencemaran kepada pendengaran, penglihatan, penciuman dan sentuhan yang pernah angota tubuhku lakukan. Ampunilah aku dan dosa-dosa mereka.

Sesungguhnya engkau maha pengasih dan maha penyayang, amankanlah jalan yang sudah aku pilih. Walaupon tidak sekali ku laksanakan tugas-tugas mu. Aku pelaku umat mu sentiasa menunggu kedatangan bulan penuh kasih, bulan Ramadhan sehingga akhirnya zaman.

Bulan keberkatan hampir tiba
Aku disini mengawal hiba
Pedihnya hati tak terhingga
Mujurlah datang bulan mulia
Ikhlas ku ampunkan yang meminta

Walau sang waktu berputar ligat tak hingat
Selamat datang Ramadhan ku ucapkan!





SONG FROM ME FOR ME

23 09 2006

I’m feeling so dispirited and I can’t hide. Yes, I’m underneath-the-black-clouds frame of mind. I wish people would keep that in mind and be nicer to my bruises.

Between four to eight Saturday morn, I felt vulnerable. I wasted some time, curled up snuggly on my bed, listening to Green Eyes – Coldplay over and over again. Till my half-pryed eyes decided to die temporary.

An hour later, my slowmo-wretched-computer gave me a long sad stare for exactly two hours, strangled my thought, begging for my life.

If this goes on and on, I will be suffering major withdrawal from everything that moves. Next depression will be very welcome. 😦

— — —

Whats for lunch and dinner?

I don’t know. I’m afraid to think of any. Even if there’s food, I might turn them down.

A nutter only need pills, conversations, cigarettes and the moon. Not food.

— — —

It’s 10.54, I feel twelve and exhausted.

With all the unexplained-sweat, I’m wet. I feel like my black-pregnant-clouds just poured fatal liquid on me.

Guess what I need now is a serious sleep and distance to escape from all this.

Be well people! Be very well.

Green Eyes – Coldplay

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you

And how could
Anybody
Deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I’ve met you

Honey you should know
That I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes
You’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you,
Must be out of their minds

‘Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you

Honey you should know,
That I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes, green eyes, ohohoh…

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand.