THE SEMI LAST RESORT

When : 4.04 pm
Where : Yahoo Messenger

BETTIE HUSSEIN: nori
BETTIE HUSSEIN: i need help
BETTIE HUSSEIN: meet me if im there
BETTIE HUSSEIN: i need someone
BETTIE HUSSEIN: get me books
BETTIE HUSSEIN: any books that could make me happy
BETTIE HUSSEIN: any books on history of our religon
NORI DARLING: books wont make people happy
BETTIE HUSSEIN: any books that could make life reset again
NORI DARLING: its not the books lah
BETTIE HUSSEIN: sigh
BETTIE HUSSEIN: that is so unkind of u
NORI DARLING: apa cerita pulak ni?
BETTIE HUSSEIN: ive read and some yes made me happy
BETTIE HUSSEIN: aku rasa hitam putih
BETTIE HUSSEIN: lepas ni kelabu
BETTIE HUSSEIN: brb
NORI DARLING: its about living and breathing the ones u read…
NORI DARLING: kalau asyik read je..and do nothing..no point jugak per
BETTIE HUSSEIN: thats what u see
BETTIE HUSSEIN: people see what they want to see
BETTIE HUSSEIN: i cant say anything
NORI DARLING: and u will use that excuse over and over…hmmm…
BETTIE HUSSEIN: i am just acknowledging
NORI DARLING: when people wanna help..u choose not to see …
BETTIE HUSSEIN: it is not an excuse
BETTIE HUSSEIN: so please excuse me
NORI DARLING: u’re excused

COLD IN GREY

When : 3.33 pm
Where : Here

Oh hi,

For the past weeks, I’ve been sleeping at 6 or 7 am and wake up at 8, 9 or 10 in the morning. Somedays, I could even walk around for two or three days without the help of sleeping. Yes, not even a single wink.

I’ve popped few diazepam, but they won’t work much on me still. Yeah, placing my everything on placebo-effect does made me dizzy and spinning for a bit. But violent minutes later, they would left me, my heart, all insecured, on a super-fast rollercoaster, without strapping any safety belt.

Next I could see death passing, floating, waving at me, the whole night till funshine ends it’s daily routine.

Though doctors have been prescribing me this and that, blue and white, I am still way too stubborn to pop them on time. The only time I would pop them is when I don’t think of love, love and love.

When I have a need to look up on one literally as well as metaphorically, my heart would screamed, “I don’t see why u should get drunk, high and bright by popping these when all u need is some-scuds and love”

Oh well, maybe I should just heed Roger’s advice, “Down them every morning and down them every night, on time. If fluoxetine doesn’t match u anymore, I’ll give u a bed, friends and some fuel that could make u fly up, up and away”

Oh Roger, the money u earn is yours, so go on, do whatever u like. Do whatever u like, as long as u could make this half-angel-half-disaster sing “Sullen Girl” to herself, all the way to an ideal hell, the therapy’s ward again.

Who : Fiona Apple
What : Sullen Girl

Days like this, I don’t know what to do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight

And there’s too much going on
But it’s calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

Is that why they call me a sullen girl — sullen girl
They don’t know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl
And left an empty shell of me

And there’s too much going on
But it’s calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.