It all begins from the little pain that summed up neatly till it formed into one easy-to-spell word, “Bitter”.
Yes doctor, that’s how I spell out Augustus.
Soon, I’ll not only lose some ’big-shots’ friends for being a temporary resident of a well-known-second-home-for-the-depressionista. I could also lose my darling job if they happened to realise how useless capsule-junkies I am now.
Sigh 
Does no one even desire to fly with me?
I can’t remember the face but I feel its presence.
Hope is the key I need.
Any profession u gave me, I’m enjoying it
But that’s just it…
So what am I?
I’m lovable Malay, sometimes huggable Javanese.
I’ve curled my hair and it’s ugly.
Short ones says I’m tall, small people says I’m big.
I’m loud and introvert at the same time. I looked dumb when quietly observing.
I am very cynical.
I still believe that love should be forever.
I hearts Tori Amos, red glasses and pink lipstick everyday.
I wear a lots of colours till it leads me to the trouble of choosing.
I’m a late-comer when comes to work. Only God knows why.
I wear sport shoe everywhere. Even to my friend’s sister wedding.
I like fish than beef, vodka than fish. But I like photography more.
I like throwing stones than colorful pebbles.
I hate watching people fight. It makes my heart split.
I feel stir-crazy writting this coz I’m running out of time.
Ok enough. More tomorrow.
I feel ultimately dirty tonight. I need rain.
Since I’ve choose not to eat anything solid today, therefore I’m treating myself half a jug of home-made Oat Milk instead.
I know it may sound yucky to some. But having this for dinner is lucky than having just tap water, ok?
For those who wants to try making your own Oat Milk just like I did. Go snatch a pen and copy down these simple ingredients below onto your palm.
Blend all the above (except the tall glass) ingredients and best served chill.
If it taste a little bland. Don’t cry, don’t grief. Just add sugar or honey, ok honey?
Happy milking the oats!
For some reason my head is feeling empty this evening. Good or bad, I don’t know. All I know, at times like these, even a cuppa of hot-bland-tea could tasted its best.
Yesterday headache has gone. My hands, I’m able to clench again. (Yippie!) So beware necks!
I am now having milk and oats for lunch. I know B.O.R.I.N.G. But I am so looking forward to finish this big bowl of oats as soonest as possible.
Why? Go ask the sky.
Two days of adjusting fate and facing the failure has converted love into something low, weak and upset.
Maybe this is a punishment I get for loving someone who loves me not.
Maybe tonight, I should just give my face a very tight slap, for not healing the wound but giving my heart a ride that is oh-so-cruel.
Maybe I should just coop myself up inside the capsule then pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray for a life that is less sad.
Maybe
Nineteen days of August went by real quickly. All excitements of tears and joy turns a panting-like-dog mascara-girl into a kickass-curser. Haha!
Okay I know. It’s not lavish to be one.
But whatever it is, cursing makes me feel like a fine-defender. And with this ‘profession’, I have great heights of guts to acknowledge all my hidden guts.
Guts to to this, guts to do that, say this and that and guts to deal all tragedies.
Get my drift? No? Nevermind.
Let’s talk about the weather then.
Today’s sky makes want to hide behind those wall of clouds, watching the sun secretly till it disappears. Then peeped at the seven wonders of the world from above and get entertained by real-kids on the street sharing biscuits and water from home.
Sometimes, we not need any friends or money or anything to accomplish dreams legitimately.
Like myself, all I need is to imagine maximumly.
Though it sounded bullshit to many commoners. Nevermind the bullshits, its my fact.
Goodbye.
Just like any broken-hearted female, I too am sitting on tears. Listening to the voices in my heart on how to deal with my tomorrow. Tomorrow of feeling terribly low, tomorrow of drillling silence into head, tomorrow of quietness in capsule, tomorrow of facing a fulltime wanker, alarm at 4.30 am and tomorrow of make no mistake wherever I go whatever I do.
Sigh.
I felt so triumph and looking almost pretty yesterday after hearing his plan of getting married in a mosque.
Few heavy-breaths later, dream bubbles burst, down the manhole our mosque goes.
It’s my past. Not him.
My horrific past couldn’t offer anything except for panic-attacks to both hearts till both souls could no longer keep in touch. Next, emotions turns rebellious.
I am sorry, heart. I was supposed to feed u but I end up sending u back to the past.
Really sorry.
Yours,
JustSingleNong
Nobody understand what love is.
Love understand nobody.
Nobody understand me.
Goodbye Globe
Today God prescribed me an almost nine hours of heavy rain and full difficulty to dream-good. I know bad combo. Bad Bad God. Never a consolation but have faith.
Tomorrow when I got the chance to breathe well and stay well. I just want to love here, play here, eat here, sleep here and stop regretting looking at the things/scenes/past that I have peeped.
Anyway this too shall pass. “So don’t wait. Just pass GO” HE said.
Di saat aku merenung jauh, memikirkan sesebuah masa hadapan walaupon ia sekadar pinjaman. Apa yang termampu hanyalah menatap diri sendiri, memberi lambaian lemah bak dedaunan kering jatuh berguguran sehingga burung tak layak bersiul dan pokok dilarang menari bersama angin.
Itulah kehidupan ku yang sudah hilang ertinya.
Saban hari, aku isikan pagi dengan menatap panjang sang angin menyapu awan. Sehingga datangnya petang, yang sedar tak sedar memindah ku ke malam pekat dimana ku kurungkan bisa kesepian di jiwa berwajah redup, sehingga terbuainya aku ke dalam mimpi penuh bisu dan berlumuran darah beku.
Walaupon sudah ku mohon berkali-kali kepadanya, ibuku yang tercinta. Yang diciptakan untuk bercinta dengan ku di bulan Januari dan mati di sunyi senja bulan Februari. Pabila ku berlayar kembali ke tempat dimana perginya dia sewaktu aku berlari, bernapas dan berhenti sekolah, perasaan benci ku ke arah langit datang mengembun, menyabung dan membelit jiwa dan menghempas suasana.
Sudahkah dia lupa tugas seorang ‘raja’ yang mencipta langit dan bumi adalah menyatukan kedua-duanya agar dapat bersama dan bukan memisahkan di atas sebab takdir yang dieja maktub?
Aku tahu. Aku hamba. Dosanya aku bertanya sedemikian.
Abaikan aku. Biarlah aku menanti.
Biarlah aku teruskan menyeru halus namanya dan menonton langit dan laut dari jauh, sejauh hujung dunia. Agar dapat ku bayangkan diriku seperti laut dan dirinya seperti langit yang sebenarnya sudah tercantum rapat sebelom tertulisnya dunia di selembar kertas.
Biarlah
For some reason, there would be some fresh money to earn, laughter to grab and peace to get. (I rarely earn this ‘catch’. Especially on weekends.)
Nope, its not from my imaginary fairy or midget-sized-goblin’s magic-lamp. It’s from a little short crowd Starbuckiddies who ordered some home cooked food from moi.
1,2,3 - Let’s scream nastily! Yahooooooooooooooooooooo!!
No, I’m not doing this to feed my pocket-money. I’m doing this to practise my cooking abilities and also to fill some gap. Nothing else.
Therefore, I hope my so-and-so food would go easy on their stomach till it shakes their leg so unexpectedly. And also would give a made-up-festive atmosphere to the chalet . Hehe
I’m back again. Haha.
Today, while I was at K/e/n/t R/i/d/g/e P/a/r/k, the word death kept coming in and out of my mind.
Yes, death is the only immortal truth. A painless final stage. We all know that. Don’t we?
When it arrives, it waits for nobody. Not even my beloved ones. Yes, we all know that too.
When it comes, should we face it? Yes, of course.
And should we put on a smile and face it? Yes, very very much.
My darling already-dead ibu once told me that, if we accept the truth with a smile, we are actually respecting it. And yes, I reckon that too.
But before I start smiling and waving goodbyes, I’ve to complete many things/mission before I enter that ’stage’.
So here I am, living. Tough I should say. But I’ve just got to accept the truth of living in this cruel globe and respect it till it brings end to love and life
And yes, not forgetting my humanly smile. That’s all I could ever give when the time comes.
That’s all
Totally rainless today. I waited for the rain to come for the whole damn day but nothing came except for small droplets of sweat of today’s hard work trickling down the surface of my face. Hehe.
Anyway, my dear childhood friend named Smt has a new netizen-friend. Yes, a lassie (a gift from heaven I suppose). A Myanmar lassie from Japan (Skype). I hope that by having her into his world would enable him to stop listening to senior-corner-radio-station, kick all his father’s books and push away all his mom’s meditation tapes (this list could go on u know..) and go on flirting with her till it gets him to somewhere special, where he could jump around all day long like mankey gets his banana. Haha!
Yes, I can’t wait for someone, a nicedown-to-earth lady to come into his life. Why?
Well, it’s his bad habits larh. I can’t stand it! And it’s not getting any lesser. *double yikes*. Ok I’m kidding.
For a nice guy like Smt, I think he deserve someone wonderful.
Ok enough of Smt.
The weather is good today. I mean tonight. Double good it gets when A/n/t/h/o/n/y/ and the J/o/h/n/s/o/n playing on my i/r/i/v/e/r player.
Yes, with all these, I could instantly relate to so many things. I am that… whats that word? Oh well, nevermind. I feeling so tired and looking so old now.
Got to go. Go obey my rules.
Goodnight Globe!
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